carla - Thursday, May 01, 2008 11:48 PM

Today was the weirdest day yet. I had what I would consider a mini break down in our morning posture clinic (A critique session where staff and studio owners watch you with three demonstrators perform dialogue, the copyrighted version of the directions for Bikrams 26 postures). I was in the middle of setting up people in separate leg stretching posture and I had this flash in my mind of the first Bikram class I took at the Bloomington studio, and how I could not really do the posture, I could not breathe, could barely reach my feet, and I had a mini meltdown right in the middle of the practice teacher session, tears and all. I could see myself in that room, struggling to do the posture and it blew me away, I had been suppressing this for a long time, how important the yoga is. WOW! This yoga has changed me in ways I have only begun to see. So, this evening we were all in our posture clinic to do triangle, and I decided, I am going to do this posture! I saw that moment as a defining moment, and needed to get back on the horse. I thought, oh my god, they are going to throw me out of this training if I cant pull myself together. I got up tonight, I did my dialogue, and I was fine, and the great part was, I extended myself to one of my Canadian class mates, said "we are going out on this balcony and practicing this posture and we are going up there to do it, TONIGHT!" and we did, and it was fine. This yoga is about being healthy, and happy, and balanced, and I think I am seeing things so differently now. The classes are a struggle, and yesterday, when I was thinking about jumping up off of my mat and running screaming from the room because of the heat, and one of my classmates beat me to it, I wound up laughing instead of running because it was not just me who was freaking out. The yoga room is HOT HOT HOT. More about that later.